"I know I'm not a man. . ."

“I know I'm not a man. . .And I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not a woman, either.”-Kate Bornstein, Gender Outlaw*

I don't pass. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been mistaken for a guy, (my favorite being the token flamboyant art professor who called me a “perfect Southern gentleman” after I held the door open for him).

And I always made a point not to think about my gender. I knew what I liked to wear (long shorts and muscle shirts and bandanas), I knew what I liked to do (play tuba in marching band), and, after a couple bad attempts, I knew who I was attracted to (girls, for the most part, particularly those who don't seem to fit prescribed gender categories).

And then one of my friends came out to me as a trans man. While learning from him about his journey s in gender, I started to think about mine. After a few months of reading, thinking, crying, and arguing with myself, I realized I had to agree with Kate Bornstein.

I don't think I'm either really, though I'm much more comfortable being masculine than begin feminine. However, I'm nowhere near established in a fully comfortable identity. I'm still trying to figure this all out, and I thought maybe talking through this in a public forum would not only help me but help others who are also struggling to find their place in the gender spectrum (or seeking to abolish it completely).

For the most part, I'll try to focus my posts on gender, but I can make no promises. As anyone who knows me in person can tell you, I tend to jump subjects quickly. Consequently, I'll probably be reviewing books and music as well, since I can't help myself sometimes.

Like I said, I'm still trying to figure out what exactly I am, and I'm always hoping to discussing this with others and seeing their views, so comments are more than welcome!

Bornstein, Kate. Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us. New York: Vintage Books, 1994. Print.