Passing: Banjo Edition

I started this week on an off note.

The weekend previous had been awesome, mostly because:

1. I hung out with my bff from high school and realized I was no longer in love/attracted to her at all (huge milestone)
2. I got to stare at pretty butch girls at the Pride parade (including a used bookstore employee that fueled a lot of my adolescent fantasies)
3. I went swimming in the rain with my best friends at school, one of whom is moving forever away this week.

And then I ripped up a tire driving home. I was barely out of town and scared shitless when it happened, though there are much more desolate, Deliverance-esque areas on my journey.

After I calmed down, I called my friends to come help me try to change my tire or at least follow me back to school, and then managed to park my car outside a little country store/gas station where I stayed.

Never have I been so glad to be wearing pink. This was the podunk that makes my podunk look like NYC, complete with a table of old men drinking coffee and gossiping.

The men were sweet, and used to work near my home town, so we talked for a good half hour. All the while, I was so happy that I wasn't trying to pass that day, that I was in pink tie dye with girly hair, jewelry, and women's jeans.

And I really felt ashamed afterward. I mean, to them I just looked like a little funky college student, but I amped up the Southern accent and talked at a higher pitch, trying to say "Look! Normal, heterosexual girl here! Sweet as sugar!"

I was stuck in a town with a population of like 400 with sketchy cell phone service and no one that I knew. And then I realized how important passing can become.

My bff transman came in to get me, and I'm pretty sure he just registered as "guy" to them, because, well, he passes pretty damn well. But, had I been dressed more masculinely, I think I'd come off more as just a dyke to them.

Dyke + small Southern town full of strangers = B horror movie or Dateline Hate Crime Tragedy

I shouldn't care what strangers think, and I should be able to defend myself if need be. But sometimes, I just want to be a sweet Southern girl who makes old men laugh, rather than stare.

I just don't know if that feels right or not.

Profile: Lucas Silveira of The Cliks

Lucas Silveira is probably the most well known FTM transgendered musician in rock music today.

Never heard of him? Exactly.He's not particularly well known in the music scene at large, and it sometimes feels like the media is using his transgender identity as a focal point rather than his music.

You know, kinda like I am. And I will get to the music. But first, I have to point out how open he is about being transgendered. In the about.com interview listed below, he says that he welcomes questions about his gender, but can only speak for himself. Very PC.

Plus he talks about his choice to not take testosterone. I have a friend who considers this a cop-out, but I disagree. I see it as being similar, on another level, to my longtime desire for a lip piercing. Yes, I want my lip pierced. But I'm also a music major who plays tuba, and I know that a lip piercing will seriously set back my playing to a point that I may not recover.
Of course, taking testosterone is more than something cosmetic like a piercing, but I still see his view. He loves music and is willing to deal without testosterone rather than risk that which he loves. Kinda romantic, actually.

His music? Not so much. Granted, I've only listened to Snakehouse in full, but I've heard a couple songs off Dirty King. Aside from the sweet acoustic track, "If Not for You" and the loyalty promised in "Whenever," most of Silveira's songs are darker and a little on the disillusioned side when it comes to love.

Which means he's now my idol. His voice does sound a little awkward at times, but I like the sound of it overall. And he wins points for comfortably singing higher than I can.

One thing that concerns me is that he runs through band lineups so quickly- I mean, every album has had a different backing band. He's admitted that he's a perfectionist, which I get, but I can't help but worry that, with a little fame, he could become a diva.

But then, maybe he just doesn't play well with others- I know how that goes.

Overall, I recommend his music for good pissy rock-out-in-your-bedroom-with-an-air-guitar evenings, and I recommend the man himself as a rolemodel for trans rock musicians.
About.com Interview
Another blog's interview
Spinner Interview
Dirty King Music Video