The Return of the Failing Boy!

So, I started class at the community college for the second half of summer, and I started extra shifts at work. Combine this with shitty computer service, and Failing Boy fell to the wayside.

Fortunately, I'm getting better at this whole time management thing, so maybe I can actually post now and again. Plus, since I'm now a local college student, I have unlimited access to fast internet on campus, rather than relying on the *coughshamefulcough* dial up I have at home.

So, I decided to restart my posting by talking about a girl I know- personally and biblically.

See, you take one emotionally burned budding lesbian virgin, drive her an hour south to another college town, and introduce her to a grad student girl who thinks the budding virgin is an experienced old dyke. And cue sex.

And, because it's two women, cue emotional hang ups. See, recently deflowered dyke doesn't want committment, and graduating grad student does. And now friends, she has it.

With a wonderful guy named Michael. And the aforementioned deflowered (erm, me), doesn't know how to feel about it.

I mean, I'm elated that she's found someone who can be what she needs; I've spent way too long trying to hint around that I don't have a U-haul to bring into the mess.

But I can't decide if her settling down with a man is better or worse than if she had met Ms. Right.

Prior to my burgeoning whore phase, I was head over heels for a now-reformed-straight-girl. And she was (emotionally, at least) head over heels for me, in a way filled with teen angst and closet case freakouts. Once, while she was dating some scenester boy who pissed me off, she asked me never to date a girl; she couldn't handle seeing me with another woman, but a guy was okay. Well, unfortunately I don't like penises, but fortunately at the time I was the ultimate in awkward nerdy closet case, so I didn't really date at all. And I couldn't understand how seeing me with a woman was worse; the way I saw it, it hurt like hell either way.

And now, hearing my one night stand turned semi-relationship talk about this guy, I see her point- to a point. Yeah, if she was with another woman, I'd feel like it was my appearance or personality that wasn't good enough, not my parts.

But her being with a guy has it's own faults, because it makes me feel like I fall short biologically, even though logically I know it's because I run from commitment like I run towards an ice cream truck.

In our conversation, which was mostly friendly, she also idly suggested that I was player, which I'm okay with for now. I see her point, and I mostly feel bad that I wasn't more up front with her.

And I feel bad that, though I knew she was bi, I'm still acting a little betrayed. I tell everyone that I'm not attracted to women who are attracted to men, and yet I just keep sleeping with them. Conclusion:

I need to get out of Arkansas.