My Vagina and Me

"I want to have a penis," my best friend recently told me.

"I want to have a strap-on," I replied, since I've spent the past several days obsessively researching the different types, all to no avail. Having used one before, I found the idea of one extremely erotic.

But a real penis? Not so much. No offense to those who own them, but I find them kind of... well, icky. Vaginas are beautiful, and penises are just there.

But that's just me. And that's partly why I think he's trans whereas I'm not.

I've never really had a problem with gender dysphoria, or at least I don't now. I mean, I was miserable throughout puberty, what with the boobs and the strange body hair and the monthly expulsions. But I handle it all pretty well now, I like to think.

And I like my vagina. It looks good, and more, importantly, it feels good. Kate Bornstein commented in Gender Outlaw that hir penis was not a problem per se except for the fact that society told hir to lose it if zhe wanted to become a "real woman." Now, of course, zhe realizes that what's between hir legs is not indicative of gender at all.

I've come a long ways in terms of accepting the girly bits, though discovering sex certainly accelerated the process. The point I've reached that I'm stumbling over now though? It's the cup. *cue dun-dun-dun music*That is, the menstrual cup. I recently purchased one off Ebay, and I'm trying to work up the nerve to try it out. I only tried tampons about six months ago, and while I loved escaping the grossness of pads, tampons tend to wreak dried out havoc on my body.

So, going with the instructions (Size small is for women under twenty five who have not had children), I bought a size small cup. Only now I'm reading from some women that they prefer the large cup due to heavy periods or the fact that they are sexually active.

Now, I understand that my period is fairly light, but I also understand that I'm pretty sexually active, and that my vagina is one flexible area. So I'm torn on whether to go ahead and send it back, or try it out and hope for the best.

Being perfectly honest, it's not a matter of being comfortable so much as a matter of my being a cheap skate. But then, I'm a poor judge of my own vagina. Does my cervix set low? And am I sexually active enough to warrant a large cup? Where's the line there?

My transman friend is suitably freaked out by the prospect of this cup and the idea of wearing it. I understand that. It requires you to be intimate with your body during a really shitty time of the month.

But I also understand that I'm absolutely terrified of TSS and find tampons to be expensive/gross. The fact that I hurt when I try to insert a large tampon makes me think I should go ahead with the small model.

Plus, I wear boxers typically (comfy, modest, and the silk feels very nice), and boxers are not made for pads. So, usually my period (already a sucky painful time filled with strange emotions and an inability to consume dairy) is also marked by the itchy marks left by wearing girly underwear to accomodate the pad.

In a couple weeks when my happy happy time rolls around, I'll be sure to try my cup out, and report on how it goes, and if I can be that up close and personal with my ladybits.