Tick Tick Bio Clock

One of my friends has recently gotten into the "I want a baby plzkthx" habit at twenty two.

Having a baby at twenty two would absolutely terrify me. It's a combination of the fact that my parents were almost thirty before they had me, and the fact that most women on my father's side of the family have 2-3 kids by the time they're twenty two, and I'm always about bucking the norms of my family.

Plus, I have trouble reconciling raising a baby with having a highly successful career. I was spoiled as an only child raised by a stay-at-home mom, but I also turned out a relatively good kid with straight A's as a result. And don't forget the usually strong relationship with my mother.

Part of me is afraid that, if I work and raise a child, my child won't have the proper attention, or at least the attention I did.

Another part of me is afraid I'll off myself if I spend all day with a little tike and make no academic/career advances. And I could someday have a partner who would stay at home to raise our child, but at the same time, I want someone who will keep up with me in all aspects of life.

Anyone who kept up with me careerwise wouldn't want to raise a child for a living.

Plus, for me raising a child also entails finding a permanent life partner. After a few pathetic years of mooning over the same girl, I have realized we are the female versions of Michael and Brian from Queer as Folk and am learning to give up my previous hopes and dreams involving her.

Besides, she detested children anyways.

Because everyone in my father's family harps on how long he waited, I worry about waiting to have a child in my thirties. Even my grandmother worries. When I told her about my plans for grad school, she was disappointed, hoping instead that I would be preparing to start a family after college.

Is it so bad to not want a baby right now? Or a partner, for that matter. I'm a selfish only child at heart, and I'm just now grasping the concept of giving up my individuality and a huge part of my life to raise a pretty baby into an odd adult with whom I'll probably lose contact anyway.

And, for that matter, what the hell would a child call me? And how would I raise a child when I myself screw with gender? Raise the child with gender norms so that he/she/it will fit in with peers, or raise the child to be whoever he/she/it wants to be.

So, while I struggle with the decision to have children/a committed relationship or not, I swear I feel my uterus ticking happily away like a hand grenade.

Joy.